Thursday, May 21, 2020
Boredom is lack of connection, my anger is OTHER directed & also I flip the inverted pyramid upside down so it's like it's supposed to be
Wednesday, May 20, 2020
Tuesday, May 19, 2020
Monday, May 18, 2020
Day 2 starts with a bang.
Sunday, May 17, 2020
If you are as obsessed with me as I am with with you then you are going to need to keep coming back to this page as I will refresh it several times throughout the day. Frankly, I need to see the views on this blog go up for my vanity and sanity.
I started vacation today.
I just needed to get away from the grocery store and don't have too many plans. Arizona is just loosening restrictions and things are beginning to open back up. I don't feel too good about his idea yet. But if I get too bored I might take advantage and do something. I am taking two weeks off in a row. I am not sure if that was really allowed as I have rarely seen it done, but the front end leader we have is sort of weak a guy and I took advantage.
I have several plans that are for certain. I am posting a lot on social media. I am crock potting a lot. I am finally going to get a primary care physician again. I found a doctor pretty close to me and I have heard good things about this doctor. I hope to get seen by him during my vacation. If it happens he agrees that I need additional time off during this pandemic so be it!
This post is called house keeping for a reason. Just catching you up on the person Romius T and this might be a little boring if you don't know me personally or don't follow the blog anymore. But I figure I am going to let you know what's going on right now so that you can feel where I am coming from. Let me assure you that there will be some interesting content coming. Some of the titles I am working on and researching for the next two weeks include: The Myth of the Mediocre White Man, Should I get Angry?- working at a grocery store during the pandemic, Why not Suicide? The kind of Controversial shit you expect from this blog.
The Guidebook:I purchased something like 150 dollars worth of food over the last three days so I am pretty sure I am okay to stay inside for the most part. Despite the large purchase (as a single guy that's a lot of food!) I didn't really buy any lunch meat or a ton of stuff for dinner. It's mostly water, 8 two liters of soda, a couple of 24 packs of soda (my roommate helps himself to it so that's part of the requirement behind so much delicious Coke.)
For breakfast I have Carnation Instant Breakfast chocolate flavored milk. Bagels with crunchy style peanut butter and the biggest box of Lucky Charms branded cereal that you have seen. I purchased the Lucky Charms awhile ago and I am happy to consume it finally as it expires in July. I still have half a gallon or so of milk left but I will need to get more eventually.
This really is a giant box of Lucky Charms brand cereal! Do you think I can eat all this cereal in 2 weeks? Do you think I should post a poll and have you guys vote? What DO YOU think? Please add a comment to this blog.After breakfast I will be looking to do dishes unless my roommate is working from home, if that is the case I will start writing. I will update and correct my work throughout the day, so if you see a lot of typos and the like just refresh that page a few hours later. You will see time stamps as I live blog. Twitter and instagram will alert you to my progress. We are going to make this a multimedia extravaganza. Sure all this comes many years after this blog is relevant but what the hell? @romiust is my twitter handle and you can always DM for more social links if you care. I am starting a cooking series of uploads on facebook and I might upload them to Youtube if that's possible. Otherwise you are going to miss out on all of that and folks can I tell you that you aren't truly missing out, but hey I need the attention during this whole stay at home thing. Also, since I haven't had a GF in like 4 years hopefully you people can fill a void on the inside of me.
I will be taking walks in the evening or night time as during the day it is repulsively hot in Arizona right now. I'll also update you to my watch list of exciting TV shows and movies. As I have much better taste than you, stay tuned.
Currently watching Epix "War of the Worlds" TV series. It's quite dark! There are multiple suicides. Robot dogs that kill children and kidnap babies. And a brother that rapes and impregnates his sister. Also, oh yeah most of the people are already dead and killer aliens are hell bent on killing the rest of us off.
Other things I am looking forward too?
I am looking for a budget computer to game on. Never been a gamer but decided I would like to try. Currently, my set up consists of a chromebook and wireless bluetooth keyboard. Remember when I bought that wireless keyboard? Well I have dusted it off and am using it. It's going okay and typing isn't too bad. Much better than the HP Chromebook x2 's smallish keyboard. I have only a 12.3 inch screen so I'd like a full sized monitor and keyboard to type on for the blog especially since I am committed to bringing this thing back..of course that takes you to help. I need you to join me on this journey and tell your friends. I don't wanna sound like a dick, but if I can't get famous this way, there's always me getting a gun and shooting the fucking world up. Let's try and prevent the fucking carnage, okay?
I am getting thirsty so lemme take a break and get a Coke. *
*I should mention no affiliate links are ever used and I don't get paid for this as Google deems my content too extreme. So this is all for fun. One day I'll set up a Patreon or something but really asking you to pay for this shitty content right now is asking too much.
I am looking at a few different kind of PC's on facebook, but I kinda want to get a iMac 27 inch. I just need an upgraded 2013 with an i5, SSD , 8 to 16 GB of RAM and maybe some kind of discrete graphics card. Only thing is you Apple freaks make that rather modest set up like $1200 dollars and I am not willing to pay more than $350. I mean folks it's quite ridiculous. I could get a new computer that would blow a modern MAc pro out for 1200 bucks. Be sensible. Okay well that is the first installment. I will be adding pictures of the Lucky Charms Box I know you'll want to see!!!
Sunday, April 12, 2020
That's OK. You have to earn eyeballs and I haven't earned anything lately.
If you find the quality of writing to be down don't be too disappointed. It's going to take awhile before I am confident enough to let loose and present my best stuff.
For now you get what you pay for which is Jack Squat!
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Don't think you guys owe me anything.
Not that you didn't abandon this blog way before I stopped writing it. That's cool and all and if it helps I never expected much anyway. But things have been shitty lately. Like how we have this stupid run on toilet paper and this crazy 'Chinese' Virus that is going to kill us all. Well kill you at least. I hope.
Personally I am less suicidal, now that I know my days are numbered.
Many of you guys remember that I work at a grocery store so you'll be glad to know that I will get exposed to this virus any day now.
This alt Sci-Fi World we live in crazy. Unlike you, I am a hero for working on the front lines. You hoard paper products and load your gun like the cowards you are, but I turned down an offer from a friend to help with bills and take a few weeks off and avoid the possibility of massive exposure. Instead I am putting myself out there for the sake of my fellow essential workers and grocery co-workers and customers in a move that will more than likely end me all for the sake of my own ridiculous need to self punish.
I know what you are thinking. You wished I started writing during the start of this panic. Why? Like you don't know to stop buying TP?? Or that this is all Trump's fault? Or wash your hands or the like. Yes. I had some funny takes on this and yes some of my family and friends have enjoyed me on Facebook yelling at people to stay home and get off my lawn. But you know me better than that. What we have has always transcended lazy stuff like that.
We have a real connection. The kind where we just look at each other and a million times more information passes than a word or two can convey. YOU GET ME and I GET YOU and they will never take that away from us.
SO I write this in days that seem so unfamiliar to all the new folks who never got what we were doing and where we are living. That's because you and I have lived this life forever. We self isolate, we live in constant dread and fear. We are slightly paranoid, but right. And we gave up hope years ago..we stopped thinking we were in control and we never much cared how the world turned out because we knew we weren't included in "their" plans anyway.
Now we all get to be outsiders. Now we all understand how futile we are. Now "we get it" we know that all of this is being taken for granted.
WE sit here and tell the rest of you to KEEP ordering your Taco Bell online, and everything is going to be OKAY! But you and I have a special knowledge, don't you? (;
Hugs and Kisses
Back from the dead for a limited time.
Tuesday, July 02, 2019
Google is a little bitch company that spies on you like your worst nightmare from 1984 and knows more about you than your family and friends do, but God forbid you talk about necrophilia or make fun of Mexicans. Because if you do they won't allow you to monetize your content. Even though they let Boeing and Coke who kill core people combined than just about anybody I know.
Certainly companies that pollute, kill, or engage in felonies would never be allowed to advertise on the YouTube platform or with Google services. Ha. I think we both know that idea is full of shit. Google don't give a fuck about actual crimes against humanity. They are just worried that a few worry warts or Christians will boycott one of the big companies that spend millions on advertising.
I don't have a problem with that. I just think it's disingenuous to pretend to get up on your soap box or moral high ground and tell content producers what is moral and what is good when all you really concerned about is making money and appeasing advertisers. Just come clean and tell it like it real is.
Look I'll do whatever it takes to get back some money on this hobby. I'd even stop talking about necrophilia. Which I personally don't think anyone should have an issue with. The person is dead what do they care about anymore? And I say that as long as the body is still warm...play ball. Just be careful because rigorous fucking is likely to expel something more than gasses. It's the price you pay for fun.
Maybe you guys remember the movie Kissed?*
Or maybe Google could just let me start a new account. I promise to behave Google. No more dead people fucking!!! I promise!
*It's totally not ironic that you can watch a girl kiss dead people on their platform, but simply discussing a concept that's taboo will get you banned from adSense for eternity. Not just on your current blog but ANY blog or YouTube channel you try,
Thursday, March 15, 2018
I’m bored. It’s the kind of boredom I think we all get, coupled with the kind of boredom only sociopaths get. The kind of boredom that says nothing will ever satisfy me again. The kind of boredom that says nothing is interesting, and nothing ever will be.
When you come across that kind of boredom, your brain starts to panic. It starts to freak out a bit. It decides all the normal parameters are out. It takes out all of the superficial or the societal limits. Your brain goes crazy for a bit. It decides that only the craziest impulses, the darkest thoughts, and weirdest impulses are what count. Are what matter.
That’s where ideas like choking yourself to sleep, or cutting your balls off come from. You gotta be careful man. If you ignore the brain long enough, if you keep it from active and meaningful stimulation long enough, then the brain revolts.
It will create the stimulation it needs. And when the brain creates without limits, well… Then you can’t be upset with it. You are bringing this shit on yourself.
Friday, March 17, 2017
I went to Las Vegas last week by myself. Maybe it was two weeks ago, I have a hard time remembering stuff.
I took the Greyhound bus there. 8 hours from Arizona. Greyhound advertised free WiFi but the speeds were terrible. Check your email, but that's about it.
I went by myself because I don't have any friends anymore, and I don't like people. I mean I still want to have sex with human females, but that's about the extent to which I'd like to interact with folks.
Conveniently, the bus drops you off right next to the Plaza Hotel and Casino on Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas. I love staying at the Plaza in particular and downtown in general.
Downtown retains at least some of the old time character of the old gamblers and dirty lifestyle that represents the true nature of Vegas. The strip is too sanitized with corporate feel good bullshit. Though in reality, either way you'll piss away your hard earned dollars in the casinos.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
So weird that I don't write to you anymore, no? I yes , sorry. I am going to try this new thing where I just write short stuff to you. Nothing big. Nothing phenomenal. So today I had some pain in my biopsy place on my chest. I am not sure why. Maybe nothing, then again maybe something. I am not really looking forward to figuring that out. Instead I will just ignore it like I have ignored my health for the past year or two. I am still alive so hopefully I will continue to stay alive. Not that I give three shits of living. I still have nothing to love or to live for. . . I don't really care so much apathy...my keyboard won't let me break this into paragraphs without editing so I will do that much later perhaps...nothing interesting is going on...my mom sent me 140 dollars for my birthday that was nice...not sure what I'll buy....maybe a smartwatch...Donald Trump is still president elect? Correct? This can't be so....oh well you bastards really deserve him. Not Cameroon . I feel like the people of Cameroon have done nothing to deserve this, but who knows....maybe y'all are big dicks down there.
Oh shit. I'm pissed . I got the damn text to paragraph. Oh well. Love you guys. Talk to you later? Maybe I start podcast. I missed doing that , but I don't have anything to say. Not anymore.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
I think I am going to start posting a lot more content since I have a Bluetooth keyboard to type on my nexus 9. I So much easier than typing on my computer, plus I get the swiftkey predictions, so I might even type faster than before. I I'm kinda excited so we'll see if it makes a difference .
Sunday, April 24, 2016
But I'm back baby!!
How am I doing? Well things could be worse for sure. I have no idea how my health is as I have been avoiding the doctors. Had a little run of bad luck and costs got out of control. lost a doctor over it. But I finally went and got another doctor. I'm back on my blood thinning meds which is good as I am at risk for a stroke without them.
Going to have blood drawn this week so we'll see what's going on there. I feel okay. At least I feel good enough to power through the day. Lots of weird aches and pains which could be just anxiety. Or my heart. Don't feel good enough to run or play basketball. Running stairs is still a problem. I just have never recovered my strength. It's a bit disheartening but hopefully that doesn't signal something worse.
Today I smoked a little weed. Last night I went to a casino with a couple of friends. My debit card wouldn't work there for some reason. A blessing I am sure. Otherwise I would have lost money most likely.
Currently just jamming to some UFO. Saw them in concert a few weeks back. Which was awesome.
I'm in a good mood today which is rare for me so I am just taking advantage of that fact. Chewing some bubble gum. Drinking soda. Pepsi with real sugar. I purchased one of those PUR water filters. They totally suck. Don't buy them.
Been rooting and modding my Oppo Find 7a. Been breaking it and fixing it. Currently running Color OS 2.1.5 which is the last and final upgrade from OPPO.
Feeling a bit social but all my friends are hiding on social platforms. No one is responding to my texts but Subway who keeps reminding me that they are offering subs for 5 dollars. They fucking text me all the time. They even ask if I am getting their texts. Send me reminders and shit. At least someone cares and I all I have to do is buy a few sandwiches a month and they are happy as fuck with me.
In a future post I am going to cover the SIX PILLARS of LIFE you should be living. As part of the Self Help Guide (TM).
Well Folks We'll chat again soon.
Sunday, August 09, 2015
We are all alone. But somehow this knowledge leads us to a belief that we are unique or special.
When instead we should consider the more dreary likelihood that are not clever, nor special.
We are tumbleweeds. We drag our scythe across the mythic culture of our minds. We plant the soil with seeds of our sinister being.
The brains tiny folds and twists found in the forebrain, the reason we can be human, are in fact also thought to be ditches, irrigating the hatred of 3 billion years of evolution on to consciousness itself.
The screams of our forebears will outlive us all.
Friday, August 07, 2015
One day you are going to miss me and the next best thing to me being there is reading my blog.
So this will be all you have, and you'll probably read too much into the stuff I was kidding about and not enough into the stuff I really meant to say and care about, but shit man, that's just you! That's why you let me die/ that's why you never really cared about me.
Are you lonely. Too bad. I don't want my words to comfort you. You really don't deserve anything nice to happen for you because in the end you let me down, Just like society, just like me parents. Just like every woman who spread her legs for me. You all suck and you never cared about me.
That's okay I guess. I care enough about myself for the two of us. For the three of us really. It's just self preservation mechanism so don't judge me too harshly. When you are unlovable and weird you have to love yourself.
I am not sure when I got so unlovable, but I know that it's no coincidence that I stopped carrying about the world as soon as it stopped carrying about me.
I have to get a new doctor as I am 1,000 dollars behind in payments. He won't give me an appointment until I give him money. Some strange sensations are in my chest. Feels like they are caving in. I am sure that is serious. But I have an appointment with my cancer doc in Sept.. Hopefully I live until then.
I am thirsty. I need a beer. If you'll wait I get a few and then maybe huff some PLEDGE and we can get the party started.
Is it pure cowardice to just let yourself die?
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Start with a pitcher of blue Kool Aid mixed with meth. It will taste bad. Have you ever accidentally tasted comet® while cleaning your bathroom? A splash of shit, powder chemical, and chlorinated water splashes your tongue.
Imagine your drink tasted like that except you have poured a whole bottle of comet® into a pitcher. It tastes bitter, your taste buds will explode with dissent.
This is how we contemplate life. A pitcher of blue shit shatters on the bathroom floor. The jagged edges stab your wrists and forearms. Blood flows towards the toilet, towards the shower, towards the drain.
Here. In this misery, I feel your pain. I feel your uncoiled tentacles grip. Release me. Grip.
You can stir comet® all day and the shit never dissolves. You can stir Meth all day long and the shit never dissolves. You can wipe your shit on the toilet. You can smear blood along the rim.
You already know everything. Why do people search for the truth? Truth is easy to find. It's with us all along. It's the gut feeling we've always had. We aren't stopping anytime soon. We will always need bath salts, meth, beer and weed. We will always tell ourselves we'll stop. And we will never stop.
The brain pops like microwaved eggs on a plate Sunnyside up. The brain regrets and acts like it has nothing to do with you. Serotonin receptors ping pong a tell-all to any doctor worth his salt.
The bags below your eyes swell with fluid. Stings of pain run along your backside like tiny scorpions. You pop in and out of existing. Your brain works backward like a camera obscura. Sentences stay stuck in dark recesses. Words are forgotten.
The Kool°AID man stares through the wall. Shards of glass jump to the death from your hands. Cascades of sliver. Cascades of ice. One more puff. One more snort.
An ass crack runs down the wall. An ass crack runs against the floor. A blood, shit mess. This world. This world is a blood stained, shit, mess.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Tuesday, March 03, 2015
Delusion: An epiphany at Appomattox, or I am a work of art. I will not allow you to fat shame me. Even though I be male. I am worthy. I am something. Consider me. Love Me.
I am all alone. I guess I will be alone for a long time. My brother may someday move close to me, or I to him. We are both 40 and single. Something is wrong with him though, I think he has real problems getting close to people. Sometimes I think of him as a person with Asperger's disease. He doesn't. But I haven't been able to diagnose his problems.
My problems are easy to diagnose. I hate myself. I hate my life. I have no energy, no meaning. I would hate to put that out there and actually expose a woman to that. Also, I'm quite bad looking. So no woman will have me. Currently I am entertaining a neck beard. Also, I refuse to bathe. I have forgotten to brush my teeth, change clothes, or wash my sheets.
Truly, things have gotten quite nasty lately. I have only myself to blame. Not that my initial impulse isn't to blame others. I'm a lot like all the women on Tumblr...I have expectations that don't match reality. 300 pound women don't get Ryan Phillipe. Just like 239 pound fat guys don't get wispy photog models who read Proust and explain his connection to Marx to you.
It just doesn't happen that way. I know I need to change the way I think. I have been lowering my expectations. Two years ago I dated a homeless girl who was beaten by her ex boyfriends. She had several children that she often couldn't take care of. I couldn't keep her interested. Basically she knew she could do better than me, and she was right.
At least I have stopped feeling sorry for myself. I don't waste time crying over my situation anymore. Instead I cry because television makes me sad, commercials and prime time TV is really great at manipulating my emotions. Six, seven times a day I tear up. Then I pop a anti anxiety pill and forget.
I'm in denial a lot. Like Cancer. I eat like a pig. I drink soda again. I eat at McDonald's. I don't get my blood tests. I can't afford some of the medications I am on. I am skipping treatments. I have to borrow money soon. I'll have to borrow from my mother. I have never done that. Not in my life. Either that or accept my brother's generosity (charity.) I hate doing this. I hate my job. But I need to get back soon. I need to pay back my landlord. I owe them 2,000. Jesus. I am an asshole. Just go back to work and make some fucking money. These people are allowing me to sit here and type. Why?
I have no idea why anyone would help me live. I have never done a thing, never lifted a finger for anyone else in my life. I am broke human being. I barely qualify as a moral being. I should at least kill for money. Then at least my life would have meaning. Then the evil that sits in my heart could be released, At least the world would make more sense.
People could say things like, "That guy was dirtbag." And it would be true, Instead, everyone has to donate money to my cancer fund because I'm just some sad sack that got cancer too early in life. When we all know that the Cancer has been there all along. Eating away at me from the inside. Destroying my will to live, causing me to sit here pondering death. Waiting for it all to end. God gave me this chance. HE said/ Romius/ He's your real chance now. Fuck it and give up. Let me take care of this. Stop being a coward.
Come home to me.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
I'm not telling you this because I want you to tell me how much mayo you like on your sandwiches. I don't care if you like mayo, or mustard.
I don't care if you like sandwiches at all.
Monday, February 02, 2015
Winter is upon us. Outside it's cloudy, dark and dreary. It's only 3, but looks like it's 7.
I just got a call that told me that my insurance has been cancelled and that I will need to purchase COBRA insurance. I am sure that will be a huge cost. My nurse that follows my case was the person that called. Not my insurance company. They were just not going to tell me apparently. I'm calling them tomorrow to find out what's going on.
My debit card is expired which is good news. It will cancel the paper subscription I have tried to cancel for over a year.
After my second coke I decided to go the store to purchase flour tortillas. I buy the kind that are paper thin. They expire on the 7th which means I will be eating lots of tortillas. If you are from the north or simply don't have a lot of experience purchasing tortillas, let me tell you how. Don't but the ones that are thick like cakes buy as thin as possible. Thick tortillas are terrible and inauthentic. Abuelita would never make them so.
The line was long at Food City. Someone had food stamps, but forgot their cash and had to put back laundry soap. I waited for 15 minutes. I did not have a basket and the weight of my few items grew heavy because the chemotherapy and my inactivity has reduced my strength considerably.
Next I visited the Family Dollar Store. I need a yellow marker for the online Marxist course I am taking. Also a group of notebooks. I get over charged for the college ruled paper but don't make a fuss.
The store plays Lorde's Royals in between telling you that shoplifting is a crime. They have cameras watching and encourage you to say something if you see something.
Two groups of crack/meth addicts walk in. Among the first group one blond woman in her late 30's or early 40's has a nice body. Kept trim by her addiction I consider whether I would give her money. Luckily I jerked off last night and my withered nutsack is only vaguely interested in getting released. Money problems prevent me from spending on prostitution as well. I have no problem with paying for sex morally. I think it empowers women. Prostitution is like an ancient form of Katy Perry. Girl Power and shit.
Everyone at the Family Dollar store is poor. Most do not try and hide it. The checkout girl has rat hair swept up in a loose ponytail. She offers a weary smile. I think it hides an invitation, Like I'm cute of something. I can hear the plastic tubing of my TAC line rustling under my shirt.
I haven't bathed this week and my shirt has some kind of oil stain on it. But I don't look any different from anyone else. Most people in the store are out of fashion. They wear ill fitting clothes, They can't afford to go to laundromat.
Why must everyone look so sad? Why must they look so poor? Why are they drug addicts, immigrants, and homeless?
Why I am here? I guess I am one of them. This idea makes me sadder. I haven't had any pain pills or Xanax to counter their effects today. I am susceptible to glomming onto their milieu.
Fuck it. After I get my change I walk back to my car.
Monday, December 22, 2014
They say we get but one life to live. That we ought be happy in our days. They are swift and soon behind us. But is not such a thought capricious? As capricious as the life before us?
I will not forget the sword at my back, or the dagger at my throat. Our very lives always so tender. So close to the edge always.
"But glad tidings! Run along now little master." "Forget this nonsense!" They will say.
But I will not play their game.
The outcome is predetermined.
We all lose in the end.
And the end is always closer than we think.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
And I'm like, "Wait didn't you doctors try that shit in Alabama once?"
And he was like, "No, that was with black people."
Friday, November 14, 2014
Wait. Blood. Ancient times. Blood carries disease. For instance Ebola. These ancient rules really might work. I guess some genius really did write that book after all. Stock on menstruation pads and and pluggers gentlemen. You're lady folk might be trying to kill you.
Do not. I repeat DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HANDLE YOUR WOMAN"S BLOODY EBOLA MAN KILLING REMINDER THAT YOU DIDN'T PRODUCE ME AN HEIR TWAT STUFFER!!!!!
romius t aka the cancer boy
Thursday, November 13, 2014
This just might be today's chemotherapy talking, but in my head I've been that funny all day.
I didn't have anyone to talk to today, so I have been amusing myself. I should record my inner monologue, because it's that dang funny. Like seriously funny. I am thinking CBS sitcom funny. I could get a way too hot wife, and take her out to the movies, and take her out to the grocery store, and I would just riff on all the stuff that comes to mind, even though she gets SUPER embarrassed by me and begs me not to, I totally ignore her and she just grins and bears it and that's how you make awesome sitcoms and run on sentences.*
*See what I did there?
Clever. And more clever is what we need in this world. And dammit I feel like I really stepped it up today, and the only the only person who got to share in that glory is me! But when ya think about it, that's okay. Because very few things amuse me. None of you dudes are very funny, or insightful, or moving me to tears.
Sure, there are the classics, I could be reading Marx. I not saying I haven't finished Capital, but I am more of a Western styled Neo-Marxist who appreciates the Early Marx* and not the antiquated economics (of which let's face it with it's 8th grade Algebra is really out of my reach/hardly my fault as my 8th grade Algebra teacher had enormous fake boobies and wore tons of make up.)
I don't have an ending for today's post. But you can expect me to write a bit more for a bit longer. At least I didn't use BYTE for Bit...
*For the nerds this does NOT mean that I agree with Althussuer's infamous epistemological break. For a more complete description of my views of Marx see my The Karl Marx Blog.
1. insert canned laughter
Friday, September 12, 2014
The creator of this fine blog has met with bad news. I have a blood clot. Fluid in my lungs and heart. They've also found a large mass in my lungs.
This don't sound like a program for long life expectancy.
I'll try and keep you informed if any regular blog readers care.
Friday, August 15, 2014
The end is near.
And it's much closer than we expect. I will die alone. In poverty and pain. My last meal will be a cold bologna sandwich eaten over the sink. I will wash down 6 Tylenol with a glass of half sugared Kool-Aid.
But something will happen this time. My liver won't make the correct enzymes, or will it simply implode from overuse. I will choke and stutter. The glass will fall and shatter from my hand. The orange drink will run down the badly stained tile. My head will reverberate several times from the awful impact.
My last vision will be a cockroach running out from behind the dishwasher towards me, his eyes smiling and triumphant!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Memoirs from the short fat bald white guy who sits next to you on the bus who wants to get your attetion, but quickly averts his eyes when yours meet
Maybe I could wish death upon a lesser relative like an unknown aunt or uncle. They could die just like in that Twilight Zone episode where you would be given a million dollars if you would agree to push a button that would kill a person you did not know.
The kicker being soon after you decided to push the button a man in a suit would come knocking on your front door asking for the button back. "So where is it going?" You would ask. "Oh, don't worry..." He'd answer in his best spooky voice. "We're gonna give it to someone you don't know."
So while I'd like a million dollars and the ease of an artificially created pathos, I guess I don't have the stomach for random murder "Twilight Zone" style even hypothetically.
I am not your father's Archie Bunker.
Whatever happened to fat, middle-aged, short, bald white guys being cool? And by cool I don't mean hipster. I know what "hipster" means even without having read a Reader's Digest in the last 25 years.
What's it take to maintain the interest of females these days? Don't you get me? Maybe we can just be friends? I know you like to hang out with cool, funny guys. We can sit around and berate your boyfriend's "made up on the spot" excuses for why he banged your sister.
We can sit next to each other on the couch and you can lean into me with an insincere intimacy. And in a moment of frustrated arousal I will grab for your boob. And you can be like "That's like totally gross! That 'totally' tries to change our relationship. I don't know if I can think of you the same anymore."
But I suppose you feel the way you've always felt about fatty (200lbs), middle-aged (34), short (Hey Doug Flutie is 5 '9 too!), bald(ing) white (so-not so tanned) guys.
Ssecretly you pine for us. You want to get down and dirty, nasty like with us. You have a fetish for sex with disgusting guys. I read about it in Maxim, or maybe it was Oprah's magazine? Either way that's pretty messed up. But most likely you'll just hold "it" all in, all your perversions and go on ignoring me like the rest of humanity does.
Go ahead. Try to ignore me. You can avert your eyes ... sigh and "put up" with me when I try to be cool. You can go make fun of me with the rest of the cute waitresses in the back of the restaurant.
But I will warn you and the rest of the nation, ignore me at your own peril. The meek Sunday morning pancake eating NFL watching white guy next to you at the sports bar is a shaken aluminum soda can full of rage. I just dare your ass to pop my top. I 'll spray all over you in a sugary coated syrupy mess. I'll get in your eyes and sting bitch.
You don't want to fuck with me. I can walk into a McDonald's and shoot up a room, then order a dozen chicken McNuggets to go. Who do you think does all the stalking? Who picks up all the little girls in unmarked vans and drives them out to the middle of nowhere? Single white males who get no attention that's who. So maybe it's time to start paying a little more attention to me-that's all I am saying.
You think Caucasians can't have pathos? Or maybe you're just looking for a little more ethnic in your gravitos? Why do you think only the ghetto makes you crazy? Try the suburbs baby. I want my props! Who do you think buys up all that Gansta Rap and Death Metal? Young white suburban males. We've been killing our species since Cro-Magnon met Neanderthals.Kudos to me for the longest fucking title of my bloggin career.
2 ....the number of women who have pleasured themselves to my writing. And you know who you are. Quit asking yourself "Will he fuck me?" Of course I will. Line up my bitches, you can get all three inches of my thunder.
Please pardon the cum stained pages from my journal this entry has come from. I have no idea how they got there. Let me repeat that, "I have no idea how they got there. I mean I am pretty sure they may have come from me walking around dripping looking for a towel after masturbating.
Had I noticed the cum stains I assure I would have cleaned them up. I certainly wouldn't have allowed them to sit around for several days. That would make running over the crusted up surfaces difficult witha pen. I'd like to think that I treat my pen with a bit more dignity than that.
Do y'all remember the movie "Revenge of the Nerds III?" Do you remember it's stunning and mournful theme song? Of course you don't. It was a shitty third tier Made-for-TV movie from USA Cable Networks "The Denny's of late night TV programming."
I think their slogan was "It's late, your up--we're on, so quit your fucking complaining. Plus we've got super special guest star "Booger" returning, and he doesn't exactly get paid scale these days."
Sunday, February 09, 2014
I need more friends that drink. Drinking with friends gives me the peace of mind you get when you're alone.
I take a walk. I hope a walk would clear my head. I walk toward my neighborhood bar and watch as the Sun beams it's last friendly smile down at me. Feel the cool winter breeze on my skin. I walk alone because I like feeling the insular protection of my singlehood.
If I am going to drink at a bar tonight I'll have to walk to another bar. The next closest bar is a few minutes away along a dying former interstate. The smell of exhaust fumes is thick along my walk. I see cockroaches, but none scurry away from me. They own these streets. The roaches are bigger than mice. I keep my head down most of the way so I can keep track of them. I don't like to step on them.